In today’s times, all of us know that it has become quite acceptable for people to drink (of course you know that by ‘drink’ I mean drinking alcohol) whenever they wish to and for whatever reason. Today, it is perfectly alright do drink on social occasions, be it at parties, events, or even get-togethers with our family, friends, and peers. In fact, the current generation is no stranger to the ways of alcohol, and most of us always end up celebrating the weekend over at a friend’s place, or at a popular restaurant / bar / club, drinking our worries away. In fact, all of us normally look for reasons to go out clubbing. A friend recently got promoted / engaged / married? Let’s go drinking and celebrate! And the funny part is, we don’t always require a happy reason to drink – even a sad occasion will do! As they say, when something good happens, people drink to celebrate, and if something not-so-good happens, they drink in an attempt to forget and move on. (Well, how wise the decision to ‘drink and forget’ was is known only the next morning – when all we have is a throbbing headache, and lo, the problem hasn’t gone anywhere! But that’s another story). The point I want to make here is that today, drinking alcoholic beverages is seen as social convention and is often encouraged. And this is where the problem begins!

Problem for whom, you might ask. Well, what do all our friends within our various social circles who actually don’t drink alcohol (for various reasons of their own) at all, with or without occasion, do? And not only that – since people view drinking alcohol as ‘perfectly acceptable’, they tend to forget, in all their enthusiasm, that not drinking is also perfectly acceptable. But they don’t, and there begins a volley of weird / uncomfortable questions that our teetotaler friends have to put up with. Read on, and let me show you the questions that they normally encounter (and I mean things you should never ask them):

10. What do you have against alcohol?

The reasons why we should never this question to our friends who don’t drink are many. First, it makes us look like total dunces with an apparent lack of common sense, with no regard for our friend’s feelings. What do you mean by that question anyway? Our teetotaler friend might have many reasons to not touch the bottle – maybe he’s trying to get in shape, maybe he doesn’t want to because of religious reasons, maybe he just can’t stand the smell / taste that lingers once the drinking’s done, or maybe that’s plainly just the kind of person he / she is. The point is, we need to respect and accept that, and stop berating them endlessly about how ‘great’ alcohol is (the fact always remains that alcohol brings with it its own set of problems, we just overlook them), and just let them be. We need to stop acting as though we’re Lord Voldemort and alcohol is our Elixir of Life!

9. Haven’t you ever been in a relationship?

Excuse me, what? This is just plain silly! All those people who have been guilty of posing this inane question to their unsuspecting friends need to hear how mad they sound, asking something like this. The reason this question is just silly is because all we’re doing is adding fuel to the stereotypical male chauvinist way of getting over a failed relationship – by drinking! Firstly, all of us who feel that drinking alcohol is the only way to get over a break-up might know how stupid that actually is. Therefore, just because our friend doesn’t ‘drink his sorrows away’, like we dunces, that does not in any sense mean that he / she has never been in a relationship and / or seen heartbreak. Our teetotaler friends just choose to cope up with it in a more practical way. And maybe we should take a hint, because we all know what the alcohol did to poor Devdas, don’t we? It killed him, and he never got to see the love of his life either. Just saying!

8. So, is it because you don’t like to go clubbing?

This question is too silly for words. I agree wholeheartedly with the fact that alcohol of all kinds are served at clubs. But that’s where it stops. Those of us who are guilty of asking this question to our teetotaler friends need to realize that while you and I might go to the club to drink, maybe that’s not our friends’ main reason to accompany us. Maybe they like clubbing for the music, the ambience, or maybe because it’s so much fun with all their friend’s around! We need to respect and understand that the situation of being the only people among our circle who don’t drink can be uncomfortable for them too, but they still choose to go along with it because they value us and our company more than the club itself. And any club worth its name is sure to have an array of non-alcoholic beverages for them as well! So shut up, and don’t worry!

7. Is this an excuse to drive us around all the time?

Are you kidding me? This question (along with many others ahead in the list) may be testimony to the fact that when we come to ask this question, we might as well be drunk. Sure, it is now a commonly accepted and encouraged practice to appoint one person among the group as the group’s driver (preferably one who hasn’t had any alcohol at all, or one who’s been responsible with his drinks). But the reason for that is so that we avoid harm to ourselves and others (we all know about the horrific consequences of drunk driving), not because we want to it in the driver’s seat, however great the car is. And when you think about it, who in their right mind would voluntarily want to drive around a bunch of loud, uncooperative drunk people who have no control of their senses (courtesy alcohol)? Not me, at least!

6. You skip alcohol on your birthday as well? Really?

Yes, really. And we need to believe our teetotaler friends when they say this, because chances are that we really don’t believe them. I mean, I’m sure most of still think that even our teetotaler friends have their own ‘cheat-sheet’ when it comes to drinking, and this is one time when they actually use it. Because, we say, it is after all his birthday, a cause for celebration, right? But no. The answer is still ‘no’ for our teetotaler friends. Come wind or fog, rain or mist, they keep off alcohol, and we must believe them by not asking such questions that can be a huge turn-off in the least. “What do you mean, on my birthday also? Of course I don’t!” is how they might respond to such a question, and it is best if we believe them, and save them from further annoyance.

5. Do you hate people who consume alcohol?

Well, I admit that this question is pretty far-fetched, but I guess that even we can cut ourselves some slack when it comes to this question. This is because we mostly end up asking our teetotaler friends this question when we are drunk ourselves, and have little or no control over our faculties. But even then, that gives us no reason to make them uncomfortable whatsoever. Imagine their expression when we, all ‘upset’ that ‘they didn’t have anything’, and therefore, ‘had no fun at all’, ask them this question! It is sometimes all they can do to tell us that they did have food to eat, and that alcohol is not necessarily ‘fun’, or ‘everything’. That too, they do it good naturedly. And for that, we must appreciate them. Our teetotaler friends hang out with us for the fun and memories, and being a teetotaler myself, I can vouch for the fact that seeing my friends after a few rounds of whisky in all their animated glory can be priceless!

4. What do you do to have fun, then?

If somebody asked me this question, I would require all my reserves of will-power and patience to not slap my questioner in his face. I’m serious. What do you mean, what do I do to have fun? When you ask someone a question like this, have you any idea what banality you are implying? It’s as though drinking alcohol is among the few things in life that can be called fun. Look, I’m really happy if my friends that drink alcohol enjoy themselves (I’m guessing that’s the reason they do it), but what we need to understand is that we cannot be patronizing and impose our beliefs on our teetotaler friends. I mean, come on! Imagine asking them that question when they’re come to your house to celebrate an occasion with you – how would that make them feel? It would take all the fun out of the party for them, alcohol or no alcohol.

3. How will you get ‘high’, then?

Trust me, the only reason this question is not ranked number one on this list is because I have even worse questions ahead. Whoever asks his / her teetotaler friends this question deserve a slap on their faces. Seriously, what sort of a question is this? I re-iterate myself again – it is not as though drinking alcohol is the only thing that gets you high, is it? That’s what our teetotaler friends want to scream at us, but some of us alcohol-lovers are so delusional that we believe that nothing can compare to the hit of rum/whisky/vodka. To all my shot – glass and peg lovers, you should know for a fact that your teetotaler friends have many other ways to get them ‘high’, as you say. Like, reading a good book. Or listening to trance music. Or shopping. Or talking. Whatever gets them going, we just need to understand that as much as we enjoy alcohol, our non-alcoholic friends get ‘high’ on a lot of things, say, for example, watching us make complete asses of ourselves when we’re drunk!

2. Do you like only soft drinks?

Yes. Exactly. I like only soft drinks. While all of my friends who prefer and like alcohol choose their drink of choice from the most aged wines and whiskies, and sample the most mature mead, I stick to the same carbonated drinks I have seen as a kid. Trust me, this is not what would be going through our teetotaler friends’ heads if at all they are asked such a question. They would be plotting a sinister way of killing whichever stupid person that was. And why not? Who in their right mind could suggest such a thing? Just because all our non-alcohol consuming friends have mocktails instead of cocktails in clubs and bars, that doesn’t mean they love carbonated, artificial, sweetened water that gives them gas afterward. Sure, they might drink that on a regular basis, just like the rest of us, but don’t go around thinking that this is why they don’t touch alcohol. Please.

1. Are you scared of your parents?

You ask your teetotaler friend such a question, and chances are that he might breathe fire. I’m not joking. If you even in the least suggest that your friend (who may have almost full knowledge of all your deep, dirty secrets and shenanigans) is a wuss, afraid of his own parents finding out that he drinks alcohol, be warned. He might just lose his patience so badly that he might go into a rant about how we are equally afraid of our parents finding out that we were so drunk that we gulped down a handful of mints to cover down the stench of the liquor, and also so drunk that we almost passed out when we reached home at three in the morning. That too not once, but multiple times. Ask him again, and he might just tell your parents! Guess he won’t be the scared one then!